Category Archives: job search

Sad Sundays

I’ve always thought of Sundays as a little sad.  When I was a kid, it meant whatever cousins had come to visit for the weekend had to go home; it meant the end of the weekend and the beginning of the school week; it meant the end of fun and back to the grind.  As an adult, my perception of Sundays hasn’t changed. 

We had a fabulous weekend with friends of ours who last year moved two hours away to a college town.  They have a lovely home outside of town and there’s a creek on the backside of their property.  It’s so utterly scenic, they should charge us for staying the weekend.  I think if I lived there I would be utterly and totally at peace.

In fact, driving out there yesterday morning, I came to the conclusion that part of the stress I’ve been experiencing lately is due to not getting out of the city in so long.  I love getting out to the pastures and farm land and corn fields.  A couple of years ago when I was in NYC, I stood on the sidewalk gazing up the skyscrapers and precious few trees and wondered how far I would have to drive before I saw any farmland or a cow?  I’ve told people about that experience, and I think they thought I was crazy.  “I must say, I’ve never wondered about cattle when I’ve been in the Big Apple” or “With all there is to see, you couldn’t stop thinking about pastures??”  Yes, I confounded my friends.  I finally stopped telling people.  It was an odd experience.  I love NYC and plan to visit again and again; it really has nothing to do with the city itself.  It’s more about me, and where my spirit is.  And believe me, the revelation has surprised even me.

When I was younger, I couldn’t wait to leave the country, move to the city, get where the action was.  I wasn’t going to be held back by some small-town, I was going places.  So now I’ve spent more of my life living in cities than I did living in the country, but I find myself drawn to it like a touchstone.  I need that time to help ground me, literally.  It feels like the pull of generations.  

I don’t think I could give up all the conveniences of city life, though.  Maybe one of these days, but for now I’d like the best of both worlds.  Sort of like my friends have.  Smaller but good sized community, and living on the outskirts of that.  As I listen to the sound of traffic outside my window, the wheels are turning, trying to formulate a plan of possibilities.

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Filed under family, job search, life, travel

I know, I know

I haven’t written.  I’ve been licking my wounds in an attempt to recover from what I thought was my ticket out of this job, a new opportunity, the answer to my prayers. . . the interview went well, I got the job offer, I was excited.  And then the salary.  Are you kidding me?  It was lateral, at best.  What’s my incentive to move?  I countered, they came back with an additional $1k tacked on.  I was soooooooo upset.  I cried and cried.  I toyed with the idea of accepting, just so I could move on to something else, but that night I woke up twice in a panic, sitting bolt upright in bed, thinking What have I done?  So when I really got up in the morning, I knew no one was forcing me to take this position, that as much as I want out and want to move on, I don’t have to take whatever presents itself.  I can choose.

It was with much disappointment that I declined the offer, but not without beating myself up about it first.  Am I not “worth” a decent salary?  Did I somehow come off as a loser in my interview?  What did I do to rate such an offer?  I keep telling myself it’s not me, it’s this economy.  Employers know a lot of people are without jobs and will take whatever they can get to get by.  Heck, I’m in that situation myself.  I’m grateful to have  a job, but this isn’t what I want to be doing a year from now.  Knowing that, employers can offer lower salaries and see who bites.  That’s what I think anyway.  And someone will take that position and be glad to have it.  I’m happy for that person.  Now if I could just get my own little ray of sunshine in the job search. 🙂

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Filed under job search, me, rants & raves, working mom